Match Report: Greenock Wanderers 2nd XV vs. Lomond/Helensburgh
The Greenock Wanderers 2nd XV took a heroic expedition to the other side of the Clyde to face Lomond/Helensburgh. It was less a rugby match and more a test of survival, as 14 brave souls (and one absolute novice) took on the wilderness of Helensburgh, a sodden battlefield, and a team with actual substitutes.
A Rocky Start
With late call-offs reducing the squad to 14, the Wanderers were already in trouble before the first whistle. Positions were filled by sheer optimism and vague recollections of rugby rules. Special mention to Liam McCahill, who not only played his first game of rugby but might have been the first person in history to Google “How to rugby?” on the way to the pitch.
The pitch itself was a swampy nightmare, having absorbed approximately the Atlantic Ocean in rain the day before. Every step was a gamble between forward momentum or losing a boot. Despite the odds, Greenock came out swinging, barreling through the muck with ferocious tackling and fearless carries.
Opposition Opportunism
Lomond/Helensburgh, smugly fielding a full 15 players, took advantage of their extra bodies to spread the ball wide and score in the corner. The Wanderers shrugged and continued their charge, only to see a wild pass intercepted, followed by a kick through that ended in another try for the hosts.
Greenock nearly hit back in spectacular fashion. Adam McEwing bulldozed up the pitch like a man possessed towards the try line, the ref blows for the try… only to realize he was still five meters out. It was a premature celebration that will live on in team banter for years.
The Injuries Begin
The rugby gods, apparently amused but not satisfied, decided to make things harder. Prop Mark Standlick succumbed to a leg injury, forcing uncontested scrums and reducing Greenock to 13 players. Lomond/Helensburgh grinned and gleefully exploited the overlap to add more tries.
Next, fullback Ross Kelly exited with a back injury, bringing Greenock down to 12. At this point, Lomond/Helensburgh were practically high-fiving as they scored three more tries, but the Wanderers refused to give up. Even with a skeleton crew, they trudged forward, driven by pure defiance and possibly sheer stubbornness.
The Final Blow
When debutant Liam McCahill went down injured, Greenock’s numbers dropped to 11. At this point, it was decided that enough was enough, and the match was called. Whether this decision was made for safety or to preserve some dignity, no one will ever know.
Heroes in Defeat
In the face of overwhelming odds, Greenock Wanderers 2nd XV showed heart, humor, and just a touch of chaos. From Adam’s early try call to Liam’s baptism by fire, it was a game that will be remembered as much for its comedy as its grit. The Wanderers may not have won the match, but they won the moral victory—and probably a few pints at the pub afterward.
Final Score 34-0 to Lomond/Helensburgh
Man of the Match – Max McFarlane
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